


Forget-Me-Not

by hongbab



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 16:56:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9772259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongbab/pseuds/hongbab
Summary: It's like Taekwoon has opened up his heart, but there's only one person who can understand what is carved inside—and that person is not Jaehwan.





	

Jaehwan presses a hand over his eyes when he hears the loud ’Hello!’ coming from the direction of the entrance hall. He tries to ignore Hongbin’s voice as he calls for him, but Hongbin soon finds him sprawled out on his couch in a pair of boxer shorts and a worn T-shirt anyway.

“Oh, sorry,” Hongbin says. “I didn’t know you were napping.”

Jaehwan groans and rubs at his face, sitting up slowly, squinting and blinking blearily. “Why aren’t _you_ napping?” he asks.

“Certain drugs do wonders to your energy level,” Hongbin replies. Jaehwan cocks an eyebrow at him, and Hongbin smiles, dimples soft but still visible on his cheeks. “Just kidding. Did you really eat two whole pizzas?”

Jaehwan glances down at the pizza boxes scattered around on the floor, and the three empty cans, once the containers of diet coke.

“No,” he says in the end. “I thought I could. I was starving by the time I got home, but I couldn’t eat all of it. Do you want some?”

“I think I can live without it,” Hongbin says, eyebrows knit. Jaehwan can see the desire in his eyes, the flames in those dark irises, the fire that says Hongbin is close to dropping his bag and starting to clean up after Jaehwan. “We have stuff to discuss.”

“Of course we do,” Jaehwan grumbles and stands up, yawning, stretching. “Would you like a coffee?”

“Yeah,” Hongbin mumbles, already heading into the kitchen, rummaging through folders in his bag. “And, please, put on some trousers.”

“Some people would kill to see me like this,” Jaehwan smirks, although Hongbin is too preoccupied to care.

Jaehwan puts on a pair of sweatpants and shuffles out into the kitchen to grab two mugs and put them under the coffee machine. He vaguely registers the time (1.36 pm) displayed on the microwave—he only slept 4 hours since he got home, and he could really use some more before he leaves for practice and whatnot.

Business is business though, and Hongbin won’t let him live unless they clear everything up.

“So what is of such paramount importance that you had to disturb my beauty sleep?” Jaehwan asks, sipping his coffee that, even after five sugars, still tastes bitter.

“Beauty sleep,” Hongbin snorts and pulls out a bunch of papers, spreading them out on the kitchen table. “You’ll get half an hour more in the gym for the pizza. Thursday?”

“What? No!” Jaehwan whines and rests his head on the table, muffling his words in the wood. “I can’t do it, Hongbin, I just won’t get into shape no matter what.”

“It’s because you eat shit like that all the time.”

“It wouldn’t matter if I had your guns.”

“Listen, you just need to do more weight training, okay?” Hongbin says, putting a hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. “Do you want me to change your trainer?”

“No, Wonshik’s fine,” Jaehwan says, peeking from behind his arm. “I just have to try harder.”

“That’s right.” Hongbin takes out a pen and writes something in a small notebook, drinking big gulps of his coffee at the same time. The king of multi-tasking. “Okay, I need your signature here,” he reaches out a paper and his pen for Jaehwan, pointing at the spot. Jaehwan automatically signs it. “And here. And here.”

“Do I dare to ask?” Jaehwan asks when he’s finished.

“Magazine photoshoot on the 15th, radio interview on the 17th and the gala on the 23rd.”

“Bearable.”

“Yeah,” Hongbin says, and then lets out a sigh. He drinks the remnants of his coffee, and stares into the mug, deep in thought. When he looks up, Jaehwan finally sees the wrinkles on his face, the redness of his eyes, the paleness of his skin. “There’s something else, too.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“You know Jung Taekwoon, right?” Hongbin asks, and Jaehwan immediately bows his head in embarrassment.

It’s one thing that Jung Taekwoon is the best singer-songwriter nationwide; that he’s won five awards in two years and that he’s worked with the biggest names all over the country and even in Europe and the U.S. It’s one thing that Jung Taekwoon is regarded as the most brilliant figure of modern Korean music, that he is dreaded by all of his rivals, that he has a fanbase that most musicians can only dream of, and that besides his talent, it’s mostly thanks to his incredibly breath-taking looks.

The other thing is, well, that he is the less famous, less successful but still respected and loved singer, Lee Jaehwan’s fuck buddy. Or… what.

“Everyone knows him,” Jaehwan says in the end, downing his coffee. He stands up and takes both his and Hongbin’s empty mug to the counter, putting them into the dishwasher. “What about him?”

“He wants to work with you.”

“Really?”

Jaehwan feigns surprise, fidgeting around before he sits down at the table again. He hates that he has to lie to Hongbin of all people—his manager turned best friend. He and Taekwoon have already talked about the collaboration, but Hongbin can’t find out about them being in any kind of contact. No one can. There would be a huge scandal, income drops, fan problems in both fanbases… Jaehwan really can’t afford that at this point of his career.

“His manager says he’s got the music done and the lyrics will be finished soon as well,” Hongbin continues, eyes roaming over Jaehwan’s face. It’s uncomfortable, to say the least, but Jaehwan has to endure it lest he behaves suspicious. “Do you want to work with him?”

“Yes, I mean,” Jaehwan gives a one-shouldered shrug, “he’s top-notch. He would only do me good, or— you don’t think he would, right?”

“No,” Hongbin says, shaking his head. He plays with his pen, seemingly disturbed. “You’re a good person, Jaehwan—”

“Why, thank you!”

“Oh, shut up,” Hongbin grins. “I mean, we’ve got your image worked to completion and Taekwoon… I don’t know how much you know about him, but… he’s a fucking asshole.”

That’s true. Taekwoon, despite belonging to the elite of musicians and having hundreds of thousands or even millions of people ready to collapse when he appears in public, is also one of the most hated people in the country. Taekwoon, as Hongbin so bluntly put it, is a fucking asshole to everyone. He handles fans as a business; he does not give them a single smile, does not talk to them either online or in real life, he shows no interest in them. Taekwoon will cancel a performance five minutes before the start, he will shove news reporters away, and he will also deny to answer questions whenever he wants.

Jaehwan knows all those things about him, and he knows that they’re mostly exaggerations, too. Jaehwan has seen a side of Taekwoon that is in complete contrast with everything going on about him; he has witnessed Taekwoon pull his jeans on and leave everything behind when his sister called that she was going to give birth to her child, he has woken up to Taekwoon cooking delicious food for Jaehwan, he has seen Taekwoon smile at a picture of his nephew so wide it was heartbreakingly beautiful.

Taekwoon is a good man with a passion for music that he did not want to sell out, but he took the wrong step all those years ago, and he’s found himself in the middle of a whirlwind he cannot escape. And now, his reputation is so controversial he’s unable to do anything about it.

“How does that affect me, exactly?” Jaehwan asks, swallowing hard. “His manners are not contagious, I assume.”

“They aren’t,” Hongbin agrees. “But if the fans see you with him, if… if they learn that you two are working together… Taekwoon is either life or death for your career, and it’s impossible to predict which one it will be, because it all depends on _your_ fans. They know you as a kind, gentle, funny person, and if you show up with a goddamn Dementor, they might think that deep down you’re the same. And then, they will abandon you, Jaehwan, and it’s going to be over.”

“Taekwoon is a genius,” Jaehwan says, trying to fight the protectiveness that’s making its way up in his throat. “If he comes up with the right song, I can be the bomb. This is a huge chance for me, isn’t it? It’s not like he would work with us if we asked, am I right?”

Jaehwan is. Taekwoon told him a while back that he was not going to work with Jaehwan until they were both ready. Jaehwan didn’t and still doesn’t know what he meant by that, but Taekwoon said his company was going to take the first step. And now they did.

“That’s all true, Jaehwan, I’m just worried. Taekwoon is very irritable, and if you annoy him—because you _are_ annoying sometimes, and you know that—he’ll just breach the contract.”

“Let’s just try it, then. We’ll listen to the song, and if it’s bad, we’ll ditch it. If it’s good, we’ll record it, and release it as soon as we can, so that he can’t breach the contract. Simple as that.”

“You’re so cute when you’re being this naïve,” Hongbin says, an odd grimace distorting his otherwise handsome features. “If you get out at a point where he doesn’t want to, his company will file a lawsuit so big against us you won’t have more than a pair of underwear in the end. And if he gets out earlier and we try to sue them, we’ll go just as broke. Basically, if we do the wrong move, Taekwoon will pretty much destroy us.”

“So the song needs to be a hit no matter what.”

“Yes.”

“I’m in.”

“What?” Hongbin splutters, his eyes widening.

“I’m in,” Jaehwan repeats, leaning back in his chair. “I want to try it. I could use a hit song, and I trust Taekwoon’s abilities. He’s been the most successful songwriter for the last two years. We need to try it.”

There’s a long silence, and all the while Hongbin examines Jaehwan’s face for a point where he could strike with his words and get Jaehwan to change his mind. Jaehwan has never seen him so worried and troubled—if he didn’t know Taekwoon, he probably wouldn’t say yes to the offer simply because of this look on Hongbin’s face.

Hongbin lets out a careworn sigh.

“You’re so going to regret this.”

 

 

Jaehwan’s throat is dry and his voice is hoarse by the time he gets out of the company building. He nevertheless smiles at the fans who are equipped with their cameras, all of them directed at him, the flashes nearly blinding him in the dark. He wishes them a good night, his chest becoming full with the strange kind of fondness he feels for those young girls whose ‘Good night, oppa!’s escort him all the way to the van. If there’s only one thing all of it is worth doing for, this is definitely it.

He takes a quick shower, puts on less conspicuous clothes, pulls a snapback into his eyes as low as he can, and calls a taxi. Down the fire escape, through the back door, into the car and towards the other side of downtown—it’s a routine he has taken up during the last few months. Every night it happens he feels like a criminal, like he’s doing something wrong, but… is seeking the happiness he can’t publicly acknowledge really such a horrible deed?

Taekwoon lives on the 26th floor, and Jaehwan is not willing to climb the fire escape up there—hell, he doesn’t even do that when he goes home and he only lives on the 10th. He simply takes the lift, acting like he’s checking his phone as usual, trying not to look like a burglar or something. He hates this.

He types in the code for Taekwoon’s front door, and enters the luxury apartment, the hallway dimly lit.

“Taekwoon?” he asks, and gets a hum in response.

Jaehwan kicks his shoes off and pads into the kitchen where Taekwoon stands above a pot of something that smells delicious, the scent making Jaehwan’s stomach rumble as he steps next to Taekwoon, peeking into the pot.

“Smells amazing,” he whispers. “What’s this?”

“Just a simple stew.”

Taekwoon takes a spoonful of the food and lifts it up, blowing on it a few times before he carefully directs it to Jaehwan’s lips.

“God,” Jaehwan moans around a bite of meat, “this is wonderful. Don’t give me more.”

“Why?” Taekwoon asks, already taking two bowls out of the cupboard.

“You’ll make me fat. Hongbin’s already miffed at me for eating shit.”

Taekwoon snorts, portioning out the stew, and setting the bowls on the table. Jaehwan watches him, seriously debating whether he should eat or not—he’s so hungry, but it’s past 2 am, and he shouldn’t be eating so much as an apple now.

Taekwoon takes the snapback off Jaehwan’s head, and kisses him, maybe to distract him from his negative thoughts. Maybe he’s just horny. Maybe he just wants to eat, get done with the thing and go to sleep.

The stew is filling and tasty—it boosts Jaehwan’s mood, and he happily agrees when Taekwoon suggests showing him the song he’s written for their collaboration.

Taekwoon sits down at the polished ebony piano, his back bent, eyes focused on the keys, features gorgeously tense. His long fingers start to play a melody that Jaehwan didn’t even know was possible to be created, the flow of the notes giving him the good kind of chills, his neck and arm covered in goosebumps. Taekwoon doesn’t look up from the keys, he doesn’t even blink at the sheet music on the rack; he closes his eyes for a few seconds, and then watches his own fingers move again. Jaehwan sees the muscles of his back moving under his plain white T-shirt, the way the music pours out of Taekwoon’s very being to fill Jaehwan up. It’s not a question of the music being a hit anymore—it’s something that hypnotizes the listener, it’s already a success.

Jaehwan’s heart is pounding so hard against his ribs it’s almost a physical ache, but he only notices that when the oppressing silence falls onto the room, Taekwoon’s fingers lithely leaving the keys. There are tears in Jaehwan’s eyes, and he blinks them out as fast as he can before Taekwoon turns his head to him, asking for his opinion without words.

It takes Jaehwan a few more seconds to get himself together, and when he does, he leans in, kissing Taekwoon hard. He shakes so violently the trembles send waves through Taekwoon’s body as well, but he stands up nevertheless, pulling Jaehwan closer by his waist, kissing him more passionately, biting down on his neck.

Jaehwan ends up lying on top of the closed lid of the piano, his naked back heating up the cold wood as Taekwoon bends over him, leaving hickeys on his chest, thrusting into him with such force it feels like Jaehwan will be flayed by the piano’s surface, but he doesn’t care, because he’s never felt like this for Taekwoon before, and Taekwoon has never touched him like this, he’s never kissed him like this.

Jaehwan has to bite back an ‘I love you’ when he comes, Taekwoon’s teeth grazing his throat lightly, careful not to leave marks there. His fingers dig painfully into Jaehwan’s thighs as he kisses Jaehwan messily, sloppily, coming with a low groan against Jaehwan’s lips, a small crack breaking his voice. Jaehwan tries to catch his breath while he runs his fingers through Taekwoon’s sweaty, dishevelled raven hair, tugging his head up. He is most ethereal with his parted lips swollen, red and glossy; small pants escaping his mouth, and his dark, cat-like eyes hooded, the pulse point clearly visible on his neck. His fans probably already get off on his looks, but if they could see him like this…

No. It’s only Jaehwan who can see him like this. It’s only Jaehwan who receives the small pecks on his stomach when Taekwoon pulls out; it’s only him who gets the slow, tired kiss afterwards, Taekwoon gathering him in his arms and taking him off the piano so that they can take a shower together where Taekwoon kisses Jaehwan into drowsiness, the weight of Taekwoon’s hands on his hips grounding him.

It’s only Jaehwan who gets a goodbye peck from Taekwoon after they have arranged the time of their next meeting.

It’s only Jaehwan and it’s only Taekwoon.

It’s already a hit.

 

 

Jaehwan is really trying to pay attention to Hongbin, but it’s not that easy when he talks about everything at once, at approximately 6 in the morning when they’re on their way to the magazine photoshoot. Jaehwan is still mostly asleep, but Hongbin won’t shut up, and he takes a sip of his coffee at every red light as he drives the van through the awakening city.

“About the collaboration,” he says now, and Jaehwan pricks up his ears, showing just a little bit more attention than before. “Sample music, lyrics,” Hongbin says as he takes a USB stick out of a random compartment in the car, reaching it out to Jaehwan. “Listen, learn, accept. Teaser shoot in a week, online release on the 31st, no MV, joint promotions.”

“Joint promotions?” Jaehwan echoes, now definitely more lively.

“Yeah,” Hongbin nods, taking a turn with the car. “The music’s piano only, Taekwoon wants to play at your performances.”

“He wants to?”

“Yeah,” Hongbin says again. “Probably to get another award for being such a _genius_ , or something.”

It will be a disaster. Jaehwan was barely conscious when Taekwoon showed him the song, and he really doesn’t want to go mute during a performance. The fact that Taekwoon will physically be there beside him only makes it worse: how is he supposed to concentrate when he will definitely think about having sex with Taekwoon on top of his piano in his apartment?

“How can you hate him so much based on rumours only?” he asks instead, just to distract himself.

“Those are facts, not rumours,” Hongbin says, taking a swig of his coffee. “He’s a real dick.”

“You don’t even know him,” Jaehwan replies, sounding almost too indignant.

Hongbin laughs without any real happiness in his voice. “Oh, believe me, I—”

Hongbin breaks off, and Jaehwan stares at him, hard. There’s the faintest hint of pink on Hongbin’s cheeks as he stares up at yet another red light, his eyes clearly not focusing on it. Jaehwan’s heart rate goes up, a headache threatens to break out behind his temples.

“You know him?” Jaehwan asks quietly.

Hongbin bites his lower lip briefly, almost unnoticeably, but Jaehwan can see it.

“No,” Hongbin says, looking desperate for the light above the van to change.

“You’re lying. I know when you’re lying, Hongbin. How do you know him?”

“Look, this is an old story,” Hongbin says with a sigh. “It really doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does,” Jaehwan says, turning halfway towards Hongbin in his seat. “You hate his guts for a personal reason and you won’t tell me. I’m your best friend!”

“I won’t tell you like you won’t tell me who it is that you’re sleeping with,” Hongbin says, looking at Jaehwan sharply. “We both can have secrets, Jaehwan. I just want you to know that Taekwoon really is a bad person, and that you should stay away from him after we’re done with this project.”

That’s the last thing Hongbin says before he stops the car in the parking lot, and gets out of the van.

 

 

Jaehwan doesn’t see Taekwoon until the day of the teaser photoshoot, where Taekwoon barely even blinks at him, let alone talking to him. Jaehwan tries a few jokes that he knows Taekwoon likes, and Taekwoon hides his smile all the time while Hongbin motions to Jaehwan to stop doing stupid things before Taekwoon flies into a rage and bites his head off.

Jaehwan sees the way Hongbin looks at Taekwoon: it’s the look you give a particularly ugly and disgusting toad sitting in the shoe you left on the porch for the night. What radiates from Hongbin is nothing short of hatred. Taekwoon only glances at him once and he glares at him for quite a few moments, Hongbin only holding his gaze for a fragment of that time and eventually leaving the photoshoot set, only to return with another cup of coffee when Taekwoon has already taken his seat in front of the piano.

Jaehwan is so confused.

The first teaser image that everyone agrees on is a shot of Taekwoon’s fingers on the keys and Jaehwan holding a small bouquet of tiny blue forget-me-nots, his hand hanging near Taekwoon’s. They take some more pictures, and then they’re free to go.

Only when they’re about to leave, Taekwoon storms off the set, deliberately bumping into Hongbin with his shoulder. Hongbin takes a deep breath to say something to him, but then he realizes his surroundings and blinks at Jaehwan, averting his eyes a second later.

That night, when Jaehwan rolls off Taekwoon and onto the mattress, his thighs and knees sore from straddling his hips for so long, face heated up too much and heart thumping, he swallows hard as he stares up at the ceiling. When Taekwoon’s breathing becomes more even, Jaehwan says, “You almost knocked Hongbin over today.”

“Did I?”

“Yes. It seemed like you were angry with him.”

There’s a small pause until Taekwoon calms down enough to be able to breathe through his nose.

“I don’t even know which one he is,” he says finally.

“He knows you.”

“A lot of—”

“Personally, he knows you personally,” Jaehwan replies, turning his head towards Taekwoon. The only light source in the bedroom is the bedside lamp, but Jaehwan can see Taekwoon’s face clearly. It’s always hard to read him when he wants so, and Jaehwan knows he has to push the problem if he wants to get something out of Taekwoon. “He hates you for a personal reason.”

Taekwoon stares at Jaehwan for such a long time Jaehwan almost lets himself get charmed by his eyes—he almost leans over to kiss Taekwoon, but then Taekwoon asks, “How much did he tell you?”

“Only that you’re a bad person and that I should stay away from you,” Jaehwan says, but it’s barely a whisper. “What happened between you two?”

“That’s none of your business.”

Taekwoon stands up with his back at Jaehwan.

“It is, when I’m being advised by my best friend to not even go near you.” Jaehwan sits up on the bed, watching as Taekwoon puts on his black bathrobe. “I don’t know why, but I feel like you two were together and you fucked him up. You did, didn’t you?”

“Maybe you should ask Hongbin about this matter,” Taekwoon says, turning around to face Jaehwan. “You and I have nothing that would bind us together, and I don’t care if you want to know about my past. But if you’re jealous, then we probably should stop seeing each other.”

That feels like a kick in the chest, and Jaehwan recoils from it, his gaze dropping to the sheets. He’s gripping them so hard his knuckles have gone white.

They agreed, at the very beginning, that this was going to be sex only without feelings involved. It was easiest for both of them, the most convenient solution. Somewhere along the lines, though, Jaehwan has forgotten about that agreement and now he has feelings which he can’t drown anymore.

“I’m not jealous,” he lies, nearly choking on the words.

“That’s good.”

Taekwoon turns around and leaves the bedroom.

 

 

“The fans are crazy, like,” Hongbin makes a vague move in the air with his bottle of beer in his left hand, “it only took them, what, 5 seconds to guess who the person behind the piano was.”

“Crazy,” Jaehwan echoes, raising his eyebrows, eyeing his own bottle on the living room floor next to him.

“They’re all over the topic,” Hongbin continues, taking a swig of the beer and wiping the foam off his upper lip. “Now we just have to hope they’ll like the song, otherwise we’re doomed.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, tell me.”

“What?”

“You’ve been acting weird lately,” Hongbin puts his bottle on the coffee table, looking at Jaehwan with the type of gaze he uses when he wants to get through the layer of Jaehwan’s lie. “You seem… sad, and it’s not the kind of sadness that sometimes just hits you.”

“No, I’m just—”

“There’s no use lying to me, Jaehwan.”

Jaehwan takes a deep breath. “You didn’t tell me why you loathe Taekwoon so much, and it’s not that I’m curious,” yes, it is, and he’s disgusted with himself for it, “but you talk to me about keeping a distance from him because he’s a dick, yet you won’t specify your reason and… I just don’t like it, you know.”

Hongbin stares at him so long Jaehwan averts his eyes, drinking a sip of his beer, even though his throat is clenched so tight he starts coughing immediately. Hongbin lets out a sigh.

“So that’s why you called me over,” Hongbin says in the end, and Jaehwan blushes. “You should have known better than to try besot me so that I confess.”

“That’s not it,” Jaehwan mumbles.

“Yeah, whatever,” Hongbin makes a dismissing gesture. “If you want to hear the story, then here it goes. Some three years ago, Taekwoon and I had a thing which wasn’t quite dating, we just… you know, needed some stress relief every now and again. He was preparing for his debut and I was still a college kid, and that was the best we could get without getting too much involved. At some point he fell for me, and it was a train wreck from then on, because I told him I wasn’t in love with him and that I couldn’t go on like that. He was the one who broke the thing up with me, he was… he was crazy, he told me horrible things and threw my stuff out of his house—I literally thought he would beat me up for being a ‘heartless monster’, as he said. He can’t lose. If things don’t go the way he wants them to, he will destroy everyone around him. And that’s why I didn’t want you to get into any kind of contact with him at the very beginning, even if this song is going to be a hit.”

Jaehwan watches as Hongbin takes his beer from the coffee table, and downs nearly half of it in one go, his eyes shut tight, struggling to keep the liquid down.

Jaehwan’s heart is racing in his chest, his head is swimming—he doesn’t know what to work out of the situation with all the information he has now, with all the emotions swirling inside him. Hongbin and Taekwoon’s was the exact same kind of relationship he currently has with Taekwoon, only it’s him falling now, and he doesn’t know if Taekwoon is—he always denies the display of romantic feelings, but sometimes he’s so gentle with Jaehwan like he’s afraid he’ll break like a china doll if he doesn’t handle him right.

“Is he—,” Jaehwan begins, “or… I mean, have you been in touch?”

“No,” Hongbin shakes his head, “he stopped texting me about half a year ago. He always managed to get my number, no matter how many times I changed it; he could always reach me like a toxic gas you try to shut out by closing the doors.”

“What did he write?”

“Sometimes he was begging, other times he was terrorizing me. I didn’t even read his messages during the last year.” Hongbin takes another beer off the table and opens it. His eyes are unfocused like he’s not even there mentally, like he’s seeing the shadows of the past instead of Jaehwan’s living room. “It was always bad things, he was trying to make me feel guilty, and hell, he succeeded. I felt like shit for years, and I still can’t move on, not now that you two are working together, that he’s around again. I just want to run away, you know?”

“I’m sorry,” Jaehwan says, and he means it. If he knew the effects his collaboration with Taekwoon would have on his best friend, he wouldn’t have accepted the offer, no matter how big of a recognition it could bring to him. Fame is not worth destroying someone he loves deeply. “I shouldn’t have said yes, I—”

“No, Jaehwan, it’s okay, it really is,” Hongbin looks up at him, a broken but sincere smile playing on his lips. “I want the best for you, and if this really works out, it will be worth having that awful person around. I’ll survive.”

That isn’t reassuring at all, but Jaehwan scoots closer to Hongbin on the wooden flooring, winding his arms around Hongbin’s neck and pulling him close, resting his cheek on his friend’s shoulder. He hates that Hongbin had to go through all of those things and that he’s still ruined; he hates that he dragged him into this mess where he has to experience the pain all over again.

But he can’t hate Taekwoon, no matter how hard he tries.

 

 

Less than a week later the song is only going through the last bits of post-production, almost ready to be released.

All the while recording, Jaehwan tried to ignore his memories and thoughts upon hearing the melody, upon reading the lyrics to _Forget-Me-Not_ , the official title of his collaboration with Jung Taekwoon. It didn’t take Jaehwan much to learn every single word by heart: something is immensely wrong with the beautiful metaphors and similes that make the song sound like a serenade, like something so personal Jaehwan feels weirdly fidgety thinking about Taekwoon putting those thoughts down.

It’s like Taekwoon has opened up his heart, but there’s only one person who can understand what is carved inside—and that person is not Jaehwan.

Jaehwan tries not to think about these things now as Taekwoon presses wet kisses behind his ear, shoving Jaehwan up against the wall of his bedroom so hard Jaehwan feels the reflection of his heartbeat drumming inside Taekwoon’s chest. Taekwoon unbuckles his belt, his slim fingers slide under the waistband of Jaehwan’s underwear, his grip warm and firm. Jaehwan arches up into the touch, standing on his tiptoes, gasping when Taekwoon mouths a trail down to his collarbone; his fingers entangle in Taekwoon’s hair that is still full of hair spray but just as soft and silky as always, fringe swept to the side—he ruffles it all up, pulling Taekwoon closer than possible.

“I love you,” he whispers, lets everything out, unable to hold it in any longer. “I love you, Taekwoon, I love you so much.”

Taekwoon freezes up, his lips brushing against Jaehwan’s skin as he straightens, lets go of Jaehwan. His eyes are framed by thick black eyeliner, smudged at the corners—the remnants of his makeup from his performance a few hours earlier.

“What did you say?” he asks quietly.

“I love you,” Jaehwan says again, flushing to the roots of his hair, but meaning it to the bottom of his heart.

Taekwoon furrows his brow, and takes a step back. “You’re being serious.”

“I am.”

After a moment of stillness, Taekwoon rubs at his face with one hand. “Get out of here,” he mumbles.

“What?”

“Get out of my place,” Taekwoon repeats, looking at Jaehwan with a piercing gaze that Jaehwan, no matter how well he thinks he knows Taekwoon, has always been afraid of. It’s always looked dangerous. “Take your stuff and leave. This is over.”

Taekwoon strides out of the bedroom.

Jaehwan stands unmoving for a few more seconds before he runs his hand through his hair, blaming himself for this, for being too bold and saying it, for risking their relationship even though he knew there was a chance Taekwoon would react like this. He feels so stupid.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehwan says weakly once he manages to walk into the kitchen where Taekwoon stands above the sink with a cup of water in his hand. “I’ll— I’ll take it back, Taekwoon, just—”

“You can’t take something like this back,” Taekwoon replies. He pours the water into the sink.

“Then let’s just forget about it, please. It was the heat of the moment, I didn’t— I’m sorry.”

“No, you have to leave and get out of my life,” Taekwoon says, looking up. His expression is dark and serious, it hurts Jaehwan more than a physical blow.

“Why?” Jaehwan asks, pleading. He shuts his eyes for a second to suppress his tears. “Why is it so bad that I love you?”

“Because you can’t!” Taekwoon snaps, making Jaehwan swallow hard. “You can’t fall in love with me, because I might fall for you too, and I’m not going to let Hongbin go so easily!”

Jaehwan’s eyes burn as they roam over Taekwoon’s face, watching the flush creep up from his neck to his cheeks. Taekwoon turns his head away, biting his lower lip, closing his eyes. Jaehwan feels like he might suffocate; he has to support himself by the doorframe so as not to fall to his knees and start crying like a baby, even though Taekwoon is tearing his heart to pieces.

“It’s been years,” Jaehwan whispers. “He doesn’t love you, he’s never loved you.”

“How do you know?” Taekwoon inquires, no real curiosity in his voice. He just sounds tired.

“He told me. Everything. You ruined him.”

“He ruined me.”

“You took away his life!” Jaehwan screams, the surge of anger making him shudder. “You haunt him like the fucking monster you are!”

Jaehwan barely has time to register Taekwoon leaping at him, grabbing the collar of his shirt, leaning into his face. He looks insane and ready to do the worst for Hongbin, to end Jaehwan if he’s the only barrier between the two of them.

The only thing he doesn’t seem to realize is that he’s the one standing between them.

“You know nothing about this,” Taekwoon hisses. “Stay out of my business.”

“Your business?” Jaehwan laughs, the sound hollow. “You’ve been using me to get close to him, haven’t you? You slept with me so that you could make me trust you and say yes to working together. You only wanted to get to Hongbin.”

“And that’s exactly why you can’t fuck it up for me,” Taekwoon says, reorganizing his features, looking like a stone statue again. He lets go of Jaehwan’s shirt, the ghost of his madness leaving his eyes. He seems like an empty shell of what used to be a person once—before Hongbin broke him. The left corner of his lips curves up the slightest bit, almost unnoticeable, but his voice is just as cold as before when he asks: “Now, do you still feel like you love me?”

 “It doesn’t matter.”

It’s the only thing that matters for Jaehwan.

 

 

Jaehwan sings the song of a man who is unable to let go of his lover, the person who seems to be the only star on his always pitch-black sky, shining brighter by the day yet never illuminating the world enough for him to see that there is more to life than chasing someone who would like to forget and move on.

Jaehwan sings about the most painful kind of love—the unrequited one. He sings about lost futures and stabbed hearts, the impossibility to escape and the perpetuity of the hunger for being loved back, the descent into madness and the hellfire that burns inside at all times.

Jaehwan sings about the ache of missing someone even though they’re there around you, and he understands every letter of the lyrics.

And Taekwoon plays the same song on his piano.

**Author's Note:**

> [Here](http://cherry-chipmunk59.deviantart.com/art/Taekwoon-Forget-me-not-591423266?ga_submit_new=10%253A1455737959) you can find a fanart a lovely reader, cherrychipmunk (on aff) created based on this story :)
> 
>  
> 
> feel free to talk to me about any of my stories or just vixx in general on [tumblr](http://hongbab.tumblr.com/), [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hongbab) or [aff](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1061753) ♡ please support me on [ko-fi.com](https://ko-fi.com/hongbab) if you can ♡


End file.
